Are you a people pleaser?

I have to confess that for the longest time, I was a people pleaser. I've had times when I did things because I thought they were right in the sight of others. I've also been in situations where I have been so afraid to say 'no' to people even to the extent of overworking myself. It's only been a year or so now where I've been consciously working on doing things because I genuinely want to do them and not out of compulsion. That's why when I came across this article written by Joyce Meyer, it made me smile becaue I could identify with some of the things she talks about. So I thought I'd share it with you

Are You A PEOPLE PLEASER?
by Joyce Meyer

Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah). - Colossians 3:23,24

One of the most freeing things that I have learned in my years of walking with the Lord is how to break free from being a people pleaser. Now, I am not talking about living a healthy, unselfish life where we make the needs of others a priority. I am talking about a pressure to perform—an unhealthy drive to be accepted and approved by others. It is a desire so strong that it influences and controls the majority of our decisions.There are some individuals who have spent a good part of their lives trying to please other people, and as a result, they are unhappy, bitter, resentful and depressed. How other people think and feel about them has become so important that it is like an addiction affecting every part of who they are. The real tragedy is they don’t know what is causing the problem.How can you and I know if we are a people pleaser? There are some key signs that we want to take a look at. If you and I are not supposed to live to please people, who are we supposed to live to please?

ARE YOU HONEST WITH OTHERS?
One of the greatest signs of being a people pleaser is not being completely truthful with others about who we are. We say we like things we really don’t like. We go places and say we are enjoying it, when in reality, it is the last place on earth we want to be. And we nod our heads in agreement to things we don’t feel right about in our hearts. Instead of telling people the truth about our desires, feelings and thoughts, we develop a pattern of telling others what we think they want to hear in order to remain accepted. There are also times when people are dishonest about their true thoughts and feelings because they are trying to keep the other person “fixed” or happy. Whatever the reason, untruthfulness in relationships only leads to some kind of heartache. Dave and I have four children and eight grandchildren, and in our family, we have an agreement to be open and honest with each other without getting angry. For instance, if my daughter Laura calls my daughter Sandra and asks, “Can you watch my kids tonight?” Sandra is free to be honest and say, “You know, Laura, I’ve had a really tiring day at home with the twins, and I’m just not up to watching them tonight.” Although Laura may be disappointed, she is not going to get upset with Sandra or act aggravated or cold toward her. Instead, she would probably respond, “That’s okay. I understand how you feel. With four kids, I have had my share of tiring days too.” By not acting in anger, Laura lifts the pressure off Sandra, and the relationship between them remains peaceful. Now, our family is not perfect, and we do have our trying moments. But for the most part we strive to follow what the Word says. Ephesians 4:15 says, God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love… (The Message). Verse 25 goes on to say we are to …put away all falsehood and “tell your neighbor the truth” because we belong to each other (NLT). And in Colossians 3:9, we are told, Do not lie to one another, for you have stripped off the old (unregenerate) self with its evil practices. I think it is pretty clear: God wants us to be truthful with each other at all times in a kind and considerate way.

DO YOU DO THINGS OUT OF DUTY OR DESIRE?
Another big indicator that we are people pleasers is that we do things out of a sense of duty instead of desire. In other words, we do something for someone because we feel obligated, or it is expected of us—we are afraid if we don’t do it, others will get mad at us or think badly of us. But doing things because we feel forced to do them or are fearful of being rejected is doing things for the wrong reason.Let me give you an example: During the holidays most of us spend time with our families. Years ago when our children were small, we had a tendency to run from house to house to house, trying to visit all of our family members on the same day. This was especially true on Christmas. To a great degree, we felt like it was a requirement we had to fulfill, and if we did not, somebody would get their feelings hurt. What happened as a result is that we really did not enjoy the holiday season.Thankfully, Dave and I have made some adjustments over the years and changed our expectations. Our children are all grown and have families of their own, and to try and get everybody together in one place on the same day is difficult. It does happen sometimes, but if someone has other plans or is unable to make it, that is okay. I know some people who agree to alternate their holiday visits between their families. One year they choose to spend Thanksgiving with the wife’s side of the family and Christmas with the husband’s side. The next year, they do just the opposite. Other people visit one side of the family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and then a week later spend New Year’s Day with the other side of the family. The point is, their visits are based out of desire instead of duty. Now, please understand that we do not have to want to do everything we need to do. There are some things that we are required to do, and if we don’t do them, problems develop. I may not want to or feel like cleaning my house, but if I never clean it, things will become disorganized, out of order, and very stressful. You and I may not want to do the laundry, but if we never do it, we will eventually run out of clothes to wear. So there is a balance in this area that God will help us find. We just need to remove the pressure and expectations from others so that they do not feel obligated to do something for us. In the same way, we need to get out from under the pressure and expectations of others to do something for them.

ARE YOU CONSTANTLY SACRIFICING YOUR OWN LEGITIMATE NEEDS?
The third major sign of being a people pleaser is always being quick to set aside our own genuine needs to meet the needs and wants of others. Each of us has legitimate needs to be loved, accepted and approved. We also have needs for things like attention, affection and rest. Constantly denying our genuine needs and doing things for everybody else will usually result in becoming bitter and resentful because we feel all used up.I know a wonderful woman who loves the Lord and will do things for everybody else except herself. She takes care of the needs of her husband, her children and her church family, but she will not take care of her own. She maintains the attitude, “No, I don’t need anything. I can do without.” But she ends up with a bad attitude. This is not healthy and is often the reason why many Christians experience burnout. Yes, the Bible does say we are to live a life of self-denial and even put the needs of others before our own. However, if we are always denying our own needs and always putting the needs of others before our own, we are out of balance. Being out of balance opens the door for the enemy to wreak havoc in our lives (see 1 Peter 5:8). Before I began a serious relationship with God, my attitude and way of thinking was, If I don’t take care of myself, nobody else will. Then when I became a committed Christian, my thinking changed to, I will sacrifice everything—including my own legitimate needs for rest, fun and friends—all for the sake of the call. But after I pushed myself beyond my personal limits and got physically sick on at least three occasions, I realized I could no longer neglect my legitimate needs. Since then, God has helped me find and maintain a balance between caring for the needs of others and not neglecting my own. And He will do the same for you.

HOW CAN YOU OVERCOME BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER?
There is only one remedy I know of to avoid being a people pleaser and that is learning to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in all we do. That is one of the most exciting things about being a Christian. As believers, the Holy Spirit lives inside us. He desires to lead us in everything we do, from how we handle our finances, to the type of job we have, to the house we live in, to what we do or don’t do for others. He does not want to just be involved with the spiritual side of our lives; He wants to be involved with the natural side of our lives too.I love what Romans 7:6 says: But now we are discharged from the Law and have terminated all intercourse with it, having died to what once restrained and held us captive. So now we serve not under [obedience to] the old code of written regulations, but [under obedience to the promptings] of the Spirit in newness [of life]. What Paul is saying is, when we follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit, we experience newness of life—peace, joy and contentment—that cannot be experienced when we live under the “shoulds,” the “oughts,” the obligations and the expectations of being a people pleaser. What is the leading of the Holy Spirit? For the most part, it is having an inner peace about doing something. Colossians 3:15 says, And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds…]. In other words, if we have peace in our spirits about doing something or not doing something, we can know the Lord is in the decision. If we do not have peace in our spirits about doing something or not doing something, then it is a good indicator that God is not leading that decision.

IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ONE THING…
Motives… Why are we doing (or not doing) something? Are we being motivated by fear, personal gain or a sense of obligation? Are we being motivated by a desire to be in control, accepted or seen? These are all the wrong reasons for doing something. Our motive for doing anything should always be because God has prompted us and we want to please Him. Following the leading of the Holy Spirit means we are motivated by the fruit of the Holy Spirit, such as love, kindness and goodness. What the Spirit leads us to do or not do, He will give us a peace about. Remember, whatever you and I do, if we will do it as unto the Lord, our lives and the lives of others will be blessed. If you help a family member, do it as unto the Lord. If you visit with relatives, do it as unto the Lord. If you work in the nursery at church, do it as unto the Lord. If you are getting dressed, washing the dishes, driving to work, cutting the grass, or going to the grocery store, do it as unto the Lord. In other words, with everything you do, do it with the motive of pleasing God. The result will be a new measure of joy and enthusiasm in your life—even in the everyday, ordinary things. I encourage you to shake off the way people think or feel about you and just begin to do what you feel God wants you to do. If you need strength in this area, and I think we all do, pray and ask the Lord for His grace to follow after His voice instead of the pressures and demands of others. That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things…(Colossians 1:10).

More Afflictions = More Growth!

Are you having a tough time at work, at home or may be even in your ministry? You are probably wondering why these troubles have hit you so bad. You are probably asking God a whole lot of questions right now or may be pleading with Him to rescue you. If that's your situation today, here's a word of encouragement.

Exodus 1: 12 says, But the more they (the Egyptians) afflicted them (the Israelites), the more they multiplied and grew.

Just remember the afflictions you are going through (especially if they are getting worse day by day) are a sign that you are soon going to enter your "promised land".

Look at these afflictions differently now and allow them to let you grow stronger, more mature and above all more dependent on God!

Be a miracle ingredient!

John 6 tells us that Jesus had gone to the mountainside, probably to get some quiet time with his disciples, when He saw a great multitude coming toward Him. Ideally, Jesus should have sent the crowd away but here He was, intending to feed five thousand hungry people.

Funnily enough, he asks Philip, "Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?" Philip must have surely thought his master was crazy because instead of answering Jesus' question, he replies with "Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little." Philip was focusing on the impossibility of what Jesus was proposing to do.

Now Andrew, who was also present, knew what Philip said was true. Yet, he comes to Jesus and says, "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish..." He knew how stupid it seemed to bring a little boy's lunch to feed five thousand people. That's probably why he added, "But what are they among so many?"

The amazing thing was that Jesus used the five loaves and two fish that Andrew brought to perform the miracle.

The Bible says in vs 6 (before Andrew could bring the little boy's lunch to Him) that Jesus already knew what He would do. Jesus knew He was going to perform a miracle to feed the multitude. He didn't need the little boy's lunch for that. Yet, He used it, making Andrew's faith a part of the miracle.

I believe even today Jesus will do the miracles He has intended to do. It's up to us whether we want to be a part of them or not. Are we holding on to the little we have because we think it is not enough for the "big miracle"? God wants us to step out in faith, present the little we have to Him and trust that He will multiply it?

There's another thing we could learn from Andrew and that is not to focus on the problem but rather on the problem solver, Jesus!

Glory in the Morning

By Warren Wiersbe

Exodus 16:7 - And in the morning you shall see the glory of the Lord.

Some days make you wonder if you should have stayed in bed. You cut yourself shaving, you spill coffee on your clothes, you have a computer crash at work, you receive overdue notices in the mail, and your son breaks his arm on the jungle gym at school. It's enough to make you want to crawl under the covers and hide.

The Israelites also were experiencing difficulties. They were hot, tired, hungry and upset. They even wondered if they should have stayed in Egypt. This trip was more difficult than they thought it was going to be.

In the midst of these trials, God did two things: He gave them manna for their physical bodies, but He also promised to reveal His glory to them "in the morning" for their spiritual well-being. God knew that the trials of the day needed a spiritual response as well as physical relief. And He chose to meet that spiritual need while the day was yet young.

When the day is hectic, the frustrations plentiful and the disappointments thick, it's time to turn to God. Yet how different the day might have gone had we turned to the Lord before we ever got started. Whether the events of the day change or not, when we have first spent time fellowshipping with God, we are better prepared to face them.

Perhaps you aren't a morning person; many people aren't. Yet getting up even 10 minutes earlier and spending those moments reading your Bible and praying will yield greater dividends than you might imagine. When you meet with God first in the morning, it's much easier to keep Him first all day.

How you begin your day will frequently determine how you end it.

Is it possible to change the heart of God?

This afternoon, I was reading 1 Samuel 1 which tells the story of a woman named Hannah who prays to the Lord for a son and the Lord hears her prayer and she gives birth to a boy named Samuel. It's a story that I am altogether too familiar with. My Sunday school teachers used it ever so often to show us how God answers prayer. Many preachers have preached sermons on it and yet today I learned something new from this passage.

For years, Hannah was barren and she desperately wanted a son. It didn't matter to Hannah that her husband loved her more than his other wife or that he gave her a double portion (vs 5), Hannah still wanted a son.

So she went before God and wept and prayed "much" (vs 10). And then, she made a vow to God to dedicate her child to Him for all the days of his life (vs 11). She knew how difficult keeping that promise would be but she didn't care because that's how much she wanted a son. And God had mercy on Hannah and answered her.

Sometimes, when we ask God for something and He doesn't do it soon enough, we assume it's not His will. In Hannah's case, God himself had closed her womb (vs 5 and 6). We don't know the reason God did that, but He did.

To me it seems that may be, Hannah's heart was so set on having a son that her son would have taken up all her attention and she wouldn't have time to seek God.

In Exodus 20:5 a, God says, "You shall not bow down to them (idols) or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God." God will not give you something that will take His place ie the first place in your heart. That's probably why God answered Hannah's prayer only after she vowed to give her son back to Him.

Hannah's prayer was sincere and God knew that she would keep the promise she made to Him. That's why God answered. That's why He changed His mind!

Are you wondering if God can do that in your situation? Yes, He can and He will. After all, the Bible does say, The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16). But God also looks at your heart. Is your heart set on that thing so much so that it will turn you away from Him?

When you are in the valley...

Have you ever gone through times when nothing seemed to be going your way? I've actually heard someone in a situation like that once tell me, "I feel like the entire universe is conspiring against me!"

If you are going through something like this, remember, 'valley experiences' can do one of two things; they can draw us closer to God or they can make us angry with Him.

None of us really like to admit that we've ever been angry with God. You may have never screamed out loud, "God, how could you let this happen?!" but when things have gone all wrong, you may have said things like "Life's just like that!" That statement isn't directed to God but it shows that you don't believe that God is in control of your life.

Then there are times when we set our hopes on God and our desires are not fulfilled. So we refuse to hope again. Sound familiar? Well, that's another way of showing indirect anger toward God. It's like saying, "God you didn't perform last time so why should I hope again?"

Getting angry with God doesn't accomplish much. We know all too well what happened to Cain when his anger was aroused against God (Genesis 4). He knew he couldn't do anything to God, so he went out and killed his brother. We also know that from then on, Cain was under a curse!

The interesting thing, however, is that even after Cain was angry with God, God came after him. God said to him, "Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it." (Genesis 4: 6-7)

It's almost like God came after Cain to cheer him up. Not just that, He even cared enough to warn him of sin. It's not Cain's anger but what he did with it that caused him to come under the curse!

There may be times when you don't understand why God doesn't stop horrible things from happening to us. Job didn't understand either. He questioned God. He said things like Why did I not die at birth? Why did I not perish when I came from the womb? Why did the knees receive me? Or why the breasts, that I should nurse? Obviously, he wasn't asking his friends these things. They wouldn't have had the answer anyway. These questions were directed to God.

Job asked God plenty of questions but not once were those questions accusatory. He did not charge God with wrong. He cried out to God, he pleaded his case before God, but he never blamed God.

Finally, God did answer Job out of a whirlwind. But when God spoke he didn't answer all of Job's questions or give him a long-drawn-out explanation for his horrible afflictions. Instead, God assured Job of His power and might. Above all, He comforted Job!

In our darkest, lowest moments, we may not have a bunch of friends around us to cheer us up. Worse still, we may have friends like Job who believe that we have called these unfortunate things upon ourselves by our unrighteous actions.

At those moments, we need to run to our Father. Tell Him how we feel and not hide anything from Him because He knows us inside out and He loves us more than anyone ever could.

In Psalm 23: 4 (AMP) David says, "Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me."

That's exactly what we need to do in the valley -- allow our loving heavenly Father to comfort us.

There have been times in my life when I've been down in the valley and I've run to God and though the situation didn't change immediately, His comfort was more than enough for me. Lean on Him when you pass through the valley, and watch Him lift you to the mountaintops!

What are you magnifying?

I received this from a friend in my inbox this morning and it really blessed me. I hope you are encouraged too!

What are you magnifying?
By Victoria Osteen

If you think about a magnifying glass, its purpose is to make objects or text on a page appear larger than they are in reality. When you magnify something, you don't actually change the size of the object, you change your perspective of it.

Our minds can work like a magnifying glass. The more you think about something, the larger you perceive it to be. That's why we have to keep things in the right perspective. If we focus on our problems, they can seem so large that we can be consumed by them! But when you focus on God and magnify Him in your life, all the things of this world just seem so small and insignificant in comparison.

Think about it this way: if you were to hold up a quarter with your arm outstretched in front of you and one eye closed, the quarter seems small compared to everything else around you. But when you pull the quarter in closer to your eye, it appears much larger. In fact, if you hold it close enough, you aren't able to see anything else! So often in life, our difficulties and challenges seem so much larger than they actually are simply because we are holding them closer to us than necessary. We are dwelling on them more than we need to. But when we have the right perspective, those same difficulties become much more manageable.

To keep the right perspective, magnify the right things in your life. When I come up against challenges, I remind myself of all the great things God has done for me. I begin to thank Him for allowing me to know Him; I thank Him for my family, my children, and my husband. I recall how God brought me through past trials and difficult times. I am always amazed at how my perspective changes when I have a grateful heart and choose to count my blessings!

Today, I encourage you to take inventory of your thoughts. Maybe even make a list of all things that are magnified in your life right now. Hold that list out in front of you and think about how big your God is! Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in greater ways. Sing a simple song of praise to Him as you release that list of cares into His loving arms. Remember, His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Just watch the weight of the world disappear as you magnify Him in every area of your life.

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together - Psalm 34:3, AMP.